Washington Snow

Washington snow is different from snow anywhere else in the world. The main difference is that the snowflakes are not all different. Under a magnifying glass, snowflakes are generally considered individually unique, and the differences are pretty impressive. In Washington, however, there are only two basic kinds of snowflakes. Look under a microscope, and you will see not the dazzling variety you might expect, but instead the same two types, one fairly plain and conservative as far as snowflakes go and the other type quite similar but liberally adorned with decorative particles of ice. Of course there is the occasional flake that is somewhat independent of the rest and is indeed a little bit different, but not too much.

Scientists are baffled by this phenomenon. Nothing in the physical world seems to explain what is in evidence here. Even staid elders of the scientific community are beginning to look outside of their usual sources for answers. One theory that is gaining favor is that the intense partisanship of the political system has spread beyond humans and their institutions and out into the natural environs. This would explain some other observations as well. It seems that the incredible snow and ice storms that have occurred in the last few years have tracked with the increasing belligerency of the federal government. As the institutions continue to look inward, rather than out at the landscape of their constituents, the spiral they are creating is becoming in effect a metaphysical tornado that is affecting everything around them.

As the senate and the assembly, the justices and the white house itself feeds the funnel cloud with their nonsensical decision making the effects of the tornado become stronger and further reaching. If the legislating continues to the exclusion of new ideas and rational and principled thought, it is feared that other effects will begin to show up in places that our minds may not be able to imagine until they become reality. Imagine, though, that suddenly the car makers can only come up with two models, and each car off of the production line is identical to the one preceding it? Even worse, what if the two models have some seemingly inexplicable tendency to run into each other, creating the need to provide separate parking areas for only models that are tolerant of each other?

What if our kids all begin to take on features of only one of two different looks? And their brains have difficulty getting past certain superficial differences between the two groups? And the two different appearances begin to develop an irrational but uncontrollable dislike for each other? What will we do? Will we then finally get the message that partisanship is simply not good for us? Will it be too late by then to try to listen to the possible benefits of what the “other side” has to say?

The message is clear. Partisanship has to stop. Until then, don’t be surprised if every handful of snow that you pack down in anticipation of good old fashioned snow ball fight, splits in two and simply can’t be made to come together. No snow balls, no snow man building. No fun.